NOT A GOOD WEEK FOR PLANNING AHEAD

Yeash, I thought I was doing a good thing this week by trying to make plans ahead of time, only to have all of them go to pot lol. Maybe I jinxed myself. I made plans to have lunch with my mother, only to have her have to cancel do to a meeting. I made plans with a friend to catch up and have lunch, she came down with something. A bunch of my friends from High School get together once a month for a girls night out, that got canceled do to only three being able to make it. I had Angus come home early last night so we could attend a mini collage fair and a meeting with Sophia’s history teacher on a trip to England, Ireland, France they are planning for next year. The mini fair was just that. Mini. Not very informative on each of the schools and no one on one time to talk with them because they only had 20 minutes each to do the presentations. I can find more information on the websites. And that is what they said lol.

So, so far, this week has been a bust. And of course I still have yet made any attempts at making any of the phone calls and appointments that I should be making. They all come with complications, and I just don’t want to deal with it all right now. So another week gone by and I haven’t accomplished jack sh*t. 

On a good note. The OS hasn’t called once this week! WOO HOO! Do you think she knows she went over board last week? Which reminds me that I need to call my brother and make plans for aidan to go over to play this weekend. No wait maybe I should wait until last minute. My planning a head this week doesn’t have a good track record so far.

And on another good note. The kids all brought home there report cards. Pretty good grades all around. Just a few glitches that were expected. aidan got all A’s and B’s and a C in spelling. I was surprised it was a C and not a D by the way they were talking last week lol. Zoe was the same A’s and B’s and a C,which was do to missing assignments not handed in. I had a meeting with her teacher last week about that. She would have gotten a B+ if it was all handed in. Sophia has no idea when we will be getting hers. So I am pretty pleased that they have been able to keep their grades at a good level. Which is no small feat seeing how this is the third school they have been to since the beginning of this school year!

TTFN

NOT A BAD WEEKEND AFTER ALL

Well as it turns out I had a pretty good weekend. Even after all my fretting over the “cook out” I did have a good time. Just a few bumps to hurdle and swallow. It was pretty much a set up to get me to go over for theAidan to play with the boys. And my mother actually stayed for about an hour after dinner. I think the kids wore her out chasing her and spraying her with silly string around the yard lol. It would have been nice if my brother and the kids were able to be there too. But they were not called until about 5pm and my brother had just got home from work. I don’t blame him for not wanting to drive a half hour back down from where he just left. Of course the OS had to make her comment about the SIL not wanting to drive down by herself and meet him. Which didn’t make sense because she didn’t even call them until after he got home lol.

It was nice to be out in the nice weather helping Kate with an old fence and getting my hands a little dirty. I just wish I could have helped her more. But with two bored kids in tow one can only get so much done lol. I was also able to sneak back over on Sunday and enjoy a afternoon chatting with her on her deck soaking up the sunshine. Kind of like old times!

Angus and I had small conversations through out the weekend here and there when we could about how depressed I seem to him and our future living arrangements. In one conversation he is understanding and gets it. In another he is way on the other side of the playing field. He actually mentioned that maybe we should talk with my mother and see if she would want to buy a place together. Something with a in law, or double house of some sort. I just about choked. All I could do is laugh, shake my head and ask him if he was in the room during our last conversation. Now, I know that it would help her out, and us tremendously but, It would be no different than it is now. A wall between us would give me no more privacy than now. Actually it would be worse. The OS would be able to just stop on by any time she wanted claiming she was just stopping by to see our mother. It just wouldn’t work. My fear is that we might not have any other options. I told Angus that I just couldn’t go there right now, once we have enough money saved and we can start to think about moving we will cross that bridge. I just can’t think about it right now. I need to cross one hurdle at a time. It’s all I have in me at the moment. And the first one is to get a job.

I decided after one of the conversations that we had that I do think I am going to set my fear aside and go see the doctor. I think both theAidan and I could benefit from seeing a counselor. He was so happy to be here for the first month. But now he really wants to go home. He likes his teacher, but says school is boring, he isn’t learning anything new. He learned most of what they are on now in most subjects last year. And some of it they are teaching differently than he has learned. I tried telling him that that could be a good thing, that he will know how to do it two ways. LOL, he wasn’t buying.

I had a parent teacher meeting last week. He is not doing well with his spelling. Which is not new, we went through this before. They wanted to test him for Special Ed. I kind of chuckled and told them that, that this is not new. He is bored. I have been through this. I need to keep on him to study and not be lazy. If they check his papers close they will see that he is spelling a word correctly on one paragraph but not on the next, or visa versa. Which proved to be right in the few pages the teacher had in her hand. I asked how he is doing in his other subjects and she seems pretty pleased. Writing sentences and essay’s is just not something that holds his attention, he just does not get any enjoyment out of it what so ever. I also told her that I had told the principle on registration day about Aidan’s arrangements in his old school. Apparently he didn’t see the need to mention it to his teacher. You see he was getting low grades in class, but all his tests were high scores. GATE level scores. After a conference with him and his then teacher we decided that Aidan might benefit from working at his own pace, as long as he completed his work and it was done correctly he could move on and do something else school related. Within the end of the first week he was a week ahead of his class in all subjects and getting all A’s. Hum, special ed? I think not. She agreed that we will just have to keep on him and go from there. I hope it works. More on that subject later.

TTFN

SHE NEEDS TO GET A LIFE,OF HER OWN

Yeah, the older sister. She not only called me twice on Thursday but, three times on Friday. I didn’t pick up any of them. Well, I wasn’t home for two of them. It’s Angus’s day off, which I have told her about a hundred times now. She wasn’t scheduled to work from Thur. - Mon. Lucky me. After not being able to get a hold of me, she calls my mother and mentioned to her that she wants to have a cookout. No details, just she wants us to come over for one. Hum, she didn’t say anything about that on the answering machine. I know that it really isn’t going to be a “cook out”, she just wants me to bring the Aidan over to play with the boys. It really is a good plan, and part of me doesn’t blame her at all. I have been there (just not obsessive). Throw a non-sibling in the mix and there usually is less fighting between the siblings lol. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t mind doing daycare all the years I did. The more the merrier as far as kids are concerned.

My hope is that she is going to do this later in the day, and we won’t be the only ones there. Angus has to work until 5PM and I would feel better if he were there. It would feel less like just a play date that my mother tagged along to and bales after an hour or so. She never stays over there more than that unless she is babysitting it seems.

We will see how it goes I suppose. I do have an out if it sounds fishy when I talk to her later. I told my mother I made plans to help a friend with her fence (of course my mother told me she would take the kids over with her) and was going to let the Zoe and Aidan play with a couple of friends they know in her neighborhood lol.

I just can’t wait until we have our own place and a little privacy. You see they both call me several times a day on the days that the sister isn’t working. Which is is about 4 days a week. It goes something like this: The sister calls and if I don’t want to run errands with her my mother usually calls about ten minutes after I have spoken to her to ask what I am doing. When I tell her I have errands she wants to know exactly what places I am going to. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure that one out lol. They both need to learn to be less obvious about it.

Angus just about busted a vain laughing when I showed him the caller ID to show him how many times she called and how funny my mother calls withing 10 minutes after. He still thinks that I should just confront them both and tell them to knock it off. Easier said than done lol. I have, on certain things, present and past, my mother just plays the , “whatever are you talking about” card. So I get nowhere with them. Let you know how today goes. And Kate don’t be surprised if I show up on your doorstep with two kids in tow to hide for a couple of hours!

TTFN

UPDATE: The “Cookout” is planned for late in the day. But no details on who will be there.

WHAT TO DO?

I am in a dilemma about what to do about my older sister. She keeps calling and wanting to get together. I meant to blog about the conversation I had with her last week while it was still fresh in my mind. I will do my best in a moment. I just don’t enjoy being around her. She just is not a pleasant person most of the time. She called this morning (twice yesterday but I let the answering machine pick up) and asked if I wanted to get out and do some errands with her. I very nicely declined and told her that I needed to go to a lot of different places that she had said she was going. And I do have to so it was and easy way out. Which she was ok with but, had to make a the comment, “Well ok, if you don’t want to run errands together, maybe you can come over on Saturday then”.Crap, just crap. I just told her that I wasn’t sure if Angus was working and would let her know.

I just don’t know what to do. Aidan likes to play with his cousins. Which brings me to the conversation of last week. This is pretty much how it went. She called on the phone late Friday afternoon and said she was going to stop by and pick up a foam chair that we borrowed for Aidan to sleep on the first week we were here. She needs it for a sleep over the boys are having. So she stops by and then says she is going to stay for a while so that my BIL will stop and pick the kids up from daycare. (Really I wouldn’t have cared, but Angus was home and we were talking about things) So she asked what we were up to that night and the rest of the weekend. I told her I really wasn’t sure. It was the first time Angus was going to be off of work. (he was going in for a while on Sat. but I wasn’t giving up that info lol) She then turns to Aidan and asked him if he wanted to come over and play tomorrow. He in return asked if maybe he could sleep over. She told him that it wasn’t a good weekend because she was working. Now, I was a little surprised that he asked this as he already asked if he could sleep over my brothers. He did say he would like to come over, so I agreed to make arrangement with my BIL in the morning. No big deal, I had to bring Sopia to a friends late in the morning and I could buzz him over after that, run errands and have some alone time with Zoe and then go pick him up late in the afternoon. Which is how it went.

Now to back up to Friday again. She stayed for about an hour and I needed to go to the store so she left then. About 5:40 she calls back and wants to know if Aidan can go to the movies with them, but I would have to drive him over to her house (half hour away). I told her that I had already had a glass of wine and was on my second, I really wasn’t comfortable with driving and he would be over tomorrow to play with the boys anyway. She was a little put off with me that I wouldn’t bring him. Ten minutes later my mother calls and says that she forgot she was suppose to call and ask if the Aidan could go to the movies with my sister and the boys. So I told her that I already spoke to my sister and I didn’t want to drive him over, he would play with them tomorrow. So she told me that she told my sister she would pick him up and drop him off if she drove him home after the movie. HELLO? What the fuck people? Now by this time Aidan has a pretty good idea of what is going on. So I ask him if he would like to. He really wasn’t sure if he did. But my mother was waiting out front for him and wanted him to come out so she wouldn’t have to park and come in. (she was out side the whole time she was talking to me) So he decided he would go. Angus is pretty pissed that this was all going on and didn’t want to let him go. But I told him that Aidan shouldn’t pay for the games my sister and mother play, and he agreed. ( my sister is IMing me as I type here, I thought you had a lot to do? Dang girl, go away!)

Do they really think I am a dumb ass or what? I just can’t believe she would call my mother and pull this crap. Or that my mother thinks I am dumb enough not to figure out she just called and bitched to her that I didn’t want to drive him! You would think my mother would have at least tried to lie a little better than she did lol. And what happened to this sleep over that the boys were having? And if this was a planned thing, how come my sister didn’t ask WHILE SHE WAS HERE AN HOUR OR SO EARLIER? Yeash, they are faltering in there game playing.

So anyway, off he goes with my mother. They are going to the 7:00PM movie and should be back by 9:30 or so. 9:45 rolls around and I figure the moving was longer than we thought. 10 Pm no Aidan. 10:30 no Aidan. 10:40 I call the cell phone. Oh we decided to rent a movie and stay here, its just ending and we will bring him home. My child did not get home until after 11PM. He is nine years old. Sorry but I think a phone call to let me know that they changed the plans and they would be at her house would have been nice. Angus was not a happy camper either. And um wouldn’t it have been better if he had just stayed over like he asked if she knew they were going to be that late? He was going to be over there in less than 12 hours again lol. When my mother asked if he had a good time the next day I told her about the change of plans and how late they dropped him off the next day, and that neither Angus or I were to happy about it. She said that I shouldn’t say anything to her about it, at all.

I don’t know if I am just being a bitch but, 1. I think on Friday she should have asked me if he could come over to play and not ask him, seeing how she wasn’t going to be there and I already told her I wasn’t sure what we were doing. 2. She should NOT have called my mother after I told her I didn’t want to drive him over on Friday night. I think that it might have been better if she mentioned that maybe my mother wouldn’t mind driving him and let ME call her if I wanted to. 3. She should have called me to let me know the change of plans and how late they might be. I don’t know, maybe its just me.

TTFN

YOU THINK OF ONE, CAUSE I CAN'T!

Well I did make it out to get my hair cut yesterday. I just didn’t make it until after I picked up the Aidan. Big surprise! Today I will make it out there before noon. It is going to be a warm day for NE standards, and I want to try and soak it up. Kitchen and small chores around the house are already done. Off to a good start this morning, I guess. Still putting off all the phone calls. But today I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have plenty of time tomorrow and Friday to do that if I don’t make the calls then, right?

Angus didn’t even notice I had about five inches taken off my hair. Not that I really expected him to notice, ha ha, but it would have been nice! Well off I go. I must make it out the door, before noon. Shouldn’t be hard to do as I am going shopping. I seem to have a easier time getting out there when I am going to spend money on stuff, not just food and necessity’s. I need new panties and a bra, WOO HOO!Well, I guess those are necessity’s lol. Why does spending money on cloths etc make one feel better? Don’t know. But today it seems to be working for me.

TTFN

IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS

I went out Saturday early afternoon to get the kids Easter candy,and something to make for Easter dinner. Ya, I know. Nothing like waiting to the last minute. But that is how I do everything these days. Save for laundry, as I have to do it everyday because of the small apartment size washer/dryer. I don’t go to the grocery store until just before I pick up Aidan from school. Or I even wait until after. I don’t pick up the morning dishes, or vacuum, or make the bed, until about 2- 2:15. Just before Sophia gets home. I wait until at least 4-5 PM to do any ironing that might need to be done for Angus.

But mostly, I put off all errands that need to be done out of the house. I just don’t want to go out there. Why? And then driving up the road on Saturday, it hit me, like a ton of bricks. Because then I realize where I am. I am here, not there. And the flood of tears just wouldn’t stop. I chastised my self for being such baby, and to grow up and get a grip. And then I told myself, maybe it is just what I need to do to get over it. Angus said something to me over the weekend that kind of hit a nerve. I can’t remember what came on the TV , but I said something negative about here or living here. Something on that line anyway. And he told me that I shouldn’t be so negative, or I will never be happy here. But he said it so matter of fact. I wanted to jump up and scream, “Look at me, I am not happy. I am never going to be happy here! Take me home.”

I don’t talk about it with him. I tried in the beginning, but I think he just didn’t really get it. I just chug along every day, laugh when he says something funny,tell him I had a usual day, laundry kids etc. He hasn’t said anything about the job search for about a week now, or the lack of looking for one I should say. Last week when he brought it up I told him that I just feel terrible about the way I look. I need my hair cut and colored, my weight. He told me to go have my hair done, soon I will be able to start walking. But have I even attempted to make a appointment any place? Nope. And then I feel guilty that I am not doing any thing, and I tell my self tomorrow. Tomorrow I will go get something done with my hair and maybe I will feel a little better. But I don’t. Today is another tomorrow. I am waiting for my cloths to finish drying. I will post and get my email. Then I will go and get something done with my hair. Or will I? I don’t really know. I won’t until I am actually out the door and in the car.

I have been putting off phone calls I need to make to the schools and the doctors for the kids. The schools need more shot records from the doctors, the new doctors need more info from the old doctors. I need to make dentist appointment, and eye exams for Sophia and myself. I just can’t seem to get myself to pick up the phone and do it. I do small thing when I start to panic that Angus or someone might notice that I am not taking care of these things.

Sometimes I think I just need to get out of here. I can’t wait to get our own place, then I will start to adjust and be happier. Then I think about moving the kids, again, for the third time in less than a year. And I feel guilty. I caught a little bit of a show called the nanny’s or something while I was channel surfing last night. And it was a very dysfunctional family from NY. The oldest boy had anger issues. And the nanny figured out why. The boy was tired of moving, going to different schools all the time. Having to make new friends constantly. Not feeling like he could settle and be home. He was the Aidan all wrapped up with a bow. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep very much last night. I had some very strange dreams I can’t figure out, what I remember of them.

Well, that dryer just buzzed. Let see if I can get my butt in the shower (I know they have more drying to do) and get out that door today.

TTFN

GO AWAY ALREADY!

Just how much snow can there be in that sky? Wait, don’t answer that. I can’t believe it is snowing again. Hopefully with the warmer temps (ha 30’s) it won’t stick long. The kids have a four day weekend, and are already bored. Its 9:30 AM. It’s going to be a long four days here.

I have decided to bail on my sister no matter what. Hopefully she won’t even call. Angus wants to take my Mother out for dinner. Kind of a thank you for putting up with all of us. I still have to check and make sure the older sister hasn’t asked her over for dinner. Because if she has, I am not even going to mention it. There would be WWIII on our hands if she declined her and went with us. So I guess Easter Sunday is all up in the air. No different than it has been in the past several years really.

TTFN