PFFFFFFT
Dear Gawd, I forgot about Angus’s work party. It’s tomorrow night. I need to find a dress. Yuck. I thought I would only have tomorrow to find one. Now I have two wonderful days of torture. This is not going to be a fun day. Trying to find a dress that I like at the weight I am right now is not a good thing. HELP!
TTFN
Posted on 12/16/05 at 10:40 AM
DAY FIVE AND STILL ALIVE
Damn it! Just now after one cup of tea. Yes I said tea, we are out of coffee, I thought to pop on the school channel just to see if maybe there is a delay. They freaking canceled school! So what the hell am I doing up? I can’t believe the canceled school, its not that bad here! Dang.But I must tell you I am glad for the day off! I get paid too, woo hoo, woo hoo! So do I go back to bed? Dang it.
I was planning on just a quick post that I was still alive and that I was looking forward to tomorrow so that my legs could rest lol. By noon time they want to fall off let me tell you! I hope they eventually get used to doing nothing but walking for seven hours, up and down hall ways and up and down stairs, all day long. But then I thought at first by the end of this week they might be, but they felt the same yesterday as they did the first day lol. So then I was telling myself, ok maybe two weeks and they will be used to it. But after that we have holiday break, so it will be back to square one again lol.
I guess later when I am more awake I will post (if the kids don’t take over the computer all day) about the funny things I have seen this week.
TTFN
FIRST DAY
Just a short one today. Today was my first day working at the High School here. And let me tell you, there are some really awful teenagers out there LOL. Some are just plain scary! How their parents even admit the gave birth to them is a wonder. I think I will personally go back to my high school and apologize to any faculty still working there that was there when I was LOL.
All in all it wasn’t really a bad day though. Not my job to actually have to deal with these few children that I speak of. That’s what the security officers are there for. And thank gawd for them! Me thinks me will be buying some nice new comfortable tennies pretty damn quick, more poor stubs are killing me!
And wooow, I just about chewed the poor kids heads off when we got home. The bickering between Zoe and Aidan started two minutes after we walked in the door. Stupid, stupid children. Sophia took it upon herself to referee and tell them that they were just that, stupid for starting to fight as soon as we got home on my first day lol. I promptly told them they would be walking home rain, snow or shine if this kept up. That would give me my half hour down time you see. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow lol.
Now I have to go and be nice to Zoe, as it is her Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Zoe! Hum, my smileys are not working!
TTFN
JUST THIS AND THAT BABBLE
I don’t really know why all of a sudden (the past month) that I have been feeling the way I have. The man still makes my heart skip when he walks in a room, and my knees week when he kisses me. Well not the past couple of weeks. I think it is just living here at my Mothers condo. And we are committed to stay until after my oldest graduates this year.
Its hard to explain unless you know my mother. Love her but, she is a strange egg. Very sneaky, private, but, nosy and controlling. Oh and has this problem with lying about the strangest things. Kate understands some of this huh. You try to describe my mother LOL.
I know this too will all pass. Its the spell my family has. One of the reasons why I moved across the country to begin with lol. I pleaded and tried to warn Angus about this but he just didn’t get it.
After being here for almost a year my mother calls here everyday, sometimes more than once. Just to see what I am doing. If I am not here she will call several times until she gets me. She has to know what I am doing or who I am with. When I lived in CA I think I talked to her once a week. And sometimes a couple of weeks could go by with out talking to her. I feel so ungrateful bitching about all of this. I know what it took for her to let us move in with her while Angus has all his operations. I know she really didn’t want to deep down. I know because she waited until the very last moment to even suggest it lol.
I think I just need to bluntly tell Angus that until we move from here everything is on hold. I need to get away from my family. I will never be happy unless I can put some kind of distance between them and us. If he can’t make that a goal, then we shouldn’t get married. I can’t really say if I need to move back to CA, or just a fair amount of distance from them. We have talked about moving Maine. Maybe that would be enough. I don’t know. I don’t foresee being near my brother a problem. But I guess I won’t know until/unless it happens.
I love, respect, and admire my brother more than anyone on this earth (yes even more than Angus) but, man he has some pretty high standards. He always does the “right thing”, even if it pains him. You either except that about him or you don’t (or he guilts you, me anyway lol). I don’t put my brother on a pedestal higher than he deserves. He climbed that pedestal before my eyes. Inch by painful inch.
Well, time to get some shit done around here. Not going to have that leisure for much longer.
TTFN
THE POST I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OFF FOR TWO WEEKS
I guess today is as good as any to post about this. I have been putting it off for a couple of weeks now. Why? Well, I really don’t know how I feel about all of this that I am about to post about. I should. I have cried many tears over this in the past couple of years.
Angus asked me to marry him. He actually proposed. Came up to me in the kitchen, took hold of me, kissed me and asked me if I would marry him. Not the most romantic of proposals but, a sincere one. Told me he wanted to buy me a ring for my birthday, and asked how much we had in savings to spare! I told him not near enough lol. It was all a strange moment to me. He was totally serious and me, I was so wigged out. I didn’t know how to respond. So I just kind of played it off as a joke. It wasn’t like he had the ring and was on his knee or anything. So I told him that I didn’t want to spend money on anything like a ring until we move from here, and certainly not just before the holidays! The car breaking down took care of that anyway lol. I made a joke of it and dropped it. I just don’t know how I feel about it. Funny huh?
He has brought it up several times since. I just tell him once we move we can talk about more. Now when he asked me I wasn’t shocked (surprised that he asked me “If” I would marry him) when the whole thing came up that night because, a few weeks ago while in the exam room at the doctors office waiting and waiting for the doctor we were talking about how long ago certain things happened etc..... and he popped out and said something on the line of wow its been that long yada yada yada, I guess it’s time we got married then. It didn’t even register for like five freaking minutes and I was like, WHAT? What did you just say? He laughed and said ya, I think its time. What ever, was my response and went on talking about whatever it was I was saying.
A few nights later while in bed I just bluntly asked him, “After all these years, and all the times you know I have wanted to, and you said you didn’t want to be married again, even though you asked me in the first year and I said it was to soon, why do you want to marry me now?” He said, he thinks its time. I asked him again the next night. And again I got, its time, I think I have hardened you up enough to be able to handle me, or something like that. I am just baffled. Completely and utterly baffled. I have some many different emotions on this that I can’t even explain them to myself. I just know I won’t and, will not ever, unless I am sure that it is what I want to do. And when and if I am ready. Because if we were to do it now, my heart wouldn’t be in it. I want my heart in it this time. Not just because its time, or what is expected after all these years of being together. I did that once, never again.
SELLING OUT: PART TWO
Weel, not so bad as I thought it would be, or could have been. I got a call this morning on one of the jobs I applied for at the High School. I got the job. Finally. Not the one that I would really like to have got but, a job none the less. The pay is less but, so are the hours and days. I will have the days off that the kids do and unfortunately, the summer. I will cross that bridge when we get closer to it. The other job I applied for would have been during the summer and just some of the vacation days the kids have. It also would have been at least two dollars more an hour. Now I can just listen to Angus that I don’t make enough LOL.
The only sell out in this job is that Angus has to get Zoe and Aidan off to school in the morning, as I will have to leave a hour and a half before they do. My family is a routine run household. And when anyone’s routine is disrupted, all hell brakes loose. EspeciallyAngus and Aidan’s. And those are the two that will be disrupted. This should be fun until everyone is used to their new routine! Sophia will be in her glory when she finds out later today. No more bus to and from school. Mom will be her new chauffeur, again.
We have had a small half pre-view of how things will go while the car was being fixed (I will bitch about that in a bit). Angus has had to bring Aidan to school every morning. Only a couple of heated rushed moment. But I was there to smooth them over. I have to admit Angus did do his best to make the send off as non-stressful as possible. I also know he did it for my benefit because he knows how stressed and worried I have been about how this is going to affect Aidan’s day at school. They always butt heads in the morning if one gets into the others space in the morning lol.
OK well now the bitch about the car. $550 but, I have a working car and, it has heat. I will never buy a Cadillac again. It would have cost half that if I had a less expensive make! I really shouldn’t complain because the bugger has never given me a problem in the few years I have had it. Well just one when the computer shut down and nothing, even the locks would work. We have never been able to find out what that was all about and it has never (knocking on wood) happened again. But for pet’s sake did it have to happen four weeks before Christmas?
Once again it will be a pitiful stressful holiday. All gift buying has come to a halt. Just when I thought I was ahead of the game. Yeah, that should teach me. Next year remind me not to even think about buying a single thing until at least a few days before Christmas! I will gladly take the last minute rush of trying to find everything on their lists if it will take this jinx we seem to have that bad things happen in the late fall, early winter months!
TTFN
OVER THE HILL........ AND THROUGH THE WOODS?
Not only has my first born turned eighteen, my middle child into full fledged teenage-hood, and my baby into the double digits, I have hit the big 40. All in the same year. How is that fair? I think I am taking it pretty well all kidding aside.
Have a lot to blog about. But not today. Today I am going to be lazy for the rest of the day. Well until everyone starts begging me for dinner that is. I didn’t get the sell out job but, applied for one close to it but not as bad. Still waiting to hear something on it. Thanksgiving went well. I am never cooking it again! Christmas stuff is up and running. Wish my car was! more soon.
TTFN