JUST THIS AND THAT BABBLE
I don’t really know why all of a sudden (the past month) that I have been feeling the way I have. The man still makes my heart skip when he walks in a room, and my knees week when he kisses me. Well not the past couple of weeks. I think it is just living here at my Mothers condo. And we are committed to stay until after my oldest graduates this year.
Its hard to explain unless you know my mother. Love her but, she is a strange egg. Very sneaky, private, but, nosy and controlling. Oh and has this problem with lying about the strangest things. Kate understands some of this huh. You try to describe my mother LOL.
I know this too will all pass. Its the spell my family has. One of the reasons why I moved across the country to begin with lol. I pleaded and tried to warn Angus about this but he just didn’t get it.
After being here for almost a year my mother calls here everyday, sometimes more than once. Just to see what I am doing. If I am not here she will call several times until she gets me. She has to know what I am doing or who I am with. When I lived in CA I think I talked to her once a week. And sometimes a couple of weeks could go by with out talking to her. I feel so ungrateful bitching about all of this. I know what it took for her to let us move in with her while Angus has all his operations. I know she really didn’t want to deep down. I know because she waited until the very last moment to even suggest it lol.
I think I just need to bluntly tell Angus that until we move from here everything is on hold. I need to get away from my family. I will never be happy unless I can put some kind of distance between them and us. If he can’t make that a goal, then we shouldn’t get married. I can’t really say if I need to move back to CA, or just a fair amount of distance from them. We have talked about moving Maine. Maybe that would be enough. I don’t know. I don’t foresee being near my brother a problem. But I guess I won’t know until/unless it happens.
I love, respect, and admire my brother more than anyone on this earth (yes even more than Angus) but, man he has some pretty high standards. He always does the “right thing”, even if it pains him. You either except that about him or you don’t (or he guilts you, me anyway lol). I don’t put my brother on a pedestal higher than he deserves. He climbed that pedestal before my eyes. Inch by painful inch.
Well, time to get some shit done around here. Not going to have that leisure for much longer.
TTFN
Posted on 12/06/05 at 10:41 AM