Preparing to leave

Monday, 12:59 pm

By Kate

Jun

12

2006

The lad returned from his trip to Lafayette with a list of courses he’ll be taking and a brand new college sweatshirt—which I can’t peel off him. Also a list of college advisor and professor email addresses. He’s already had email contact with a couple and they really are into their students. They encourage the exchange, seem to enjoy it, and the back and forth has been lively already.

However engaged he is with his new upcoming life, he’s still not ready to talk about the actual shift from home to college. I have a list of items that he will need to take with him and, naturally, I don’t want to wait until the last minute. Some input from him is required, since he’ll have to live with the selections for the next couple of years. But he told me last night that he’s not ready to think about it yet. He doesn’t want to think about leaving yet.

That surprised me. I, of course, have had to deal with my own reluctance to see him leave. Privately, in the main—not wanting to be a clingy parent and all. It didn’t really dawn on me that he would experience the same reluctance or even feel as if I was counting the days until his departure. I think I’ve been going about this the wrong way. Last night he asked me why I was so excited to see him leave. He seemed kind of hurt. That floored me.

So we had a talk. I am not excited to see him leave. I’m excited for his future and we do need to plan some things and begin securing the items he will need to take. We can’t leave it until the last minute. No, I don’t *want* him to leave, but it is going to happen and we have to plan for it. I’m just as ambivalent about the situation as he is. And I think the adjustment will be a little difficult for me in the beginning. In the perfect world, he’d be going to school close to home and live here. But I never encouraged that because I don’t think it would be good for either of us. I don’t want him to think I’m eager to see him leave. I’m not. But in two months, he will leave. It’s going to happen.

Well, at least that issue is settled between us. No, Mom is not counting the days to freedom. Nothing like that at all. But it serves neither of us well for me to get all maudlin about it. And he has to be a part of the planning process for the eventuality. Even if he doesn’t want to think about it right now. We’ll get through it.