rss
Life is fluid
Last night came close to being a calamity. Or less hysterically and more proverbially, it just delivered a bowl of sour lemons and well, we made some of the most delicious lemonade. And less cryptically, The Dad pitched a whiny fit over the phone into the lad’s ear and begged him to please come to his house for Christmas because the lad is almost grown up and he’s hardly ever had a real Christmas with him. It was up to him to decide.
The lad chewed on that, or stewed over it, for an hour or so before he came to me with the news. He was rather upset. He felt as if he was being placed in the middle of a dispute whereby, whichever choice he made, he was going to break someone’s heart and he was just miserable over it.
My immediate response was to flip out. I was so angry I would have pole axed the man if he’d been within reach. But, being so angry was not helpful and it just made the lad feel worse and I quickly zipped it and told him I needed to leave the house for a little while to clear my mind and think it through. I told him it wasn’t his fault and I wasn’t angry with him and we’d fix it.
So, I got in the car and ran a few errands and got a cup of coffee and sat and thought. Sorted my feelings out.
1. Yes, I was so angry I could taste bile.
2. Yes, it was a shitty thing to dump in our lap five days before Christmas after all plans had been made and agreed to.
3. Yes, he has a point. He hasn’t spent a Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with the lad in many years. This is something we should have addressed a lot sooner. I’m not sure I’d have agreed. That made me feel small.
4. It was decidedly wrong to ask the lad to make the choice rather than talk it over with me. Like...maybe a month ago, at least.
5. I’d still like to pole axe him.
6. How do I turn it around so that we all get what we want?
7. Bastid.
8. See #6.
9. Why am I so attached to the date of December 25th? Hum… I don’t really think I am, actually. Double hummmm....
10. Okay, he’s going to his Dad’s house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and, if I’m correct in assessing motives, this is going to both please and annoy The Dad.
11. Okay, the annoy part isn’t as satisfying as pole axing him, but it’ll do in a pinch.
12. Mainly, the lad doesn’t have to choose between us and that’s the most important thing. Some day in the not too distant future he will make choices about holidays and who, if anyone, he spends them with. But not in this way.
I returned home and found the lad pacing miserably.
“You’re going to your Dad’s house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. You don’t have to make that choice, sweetie. It’s okay. He hasn’t had that pleasure in a lot of years and I know that I’d hate it. I don’t like the way this has been done, but let’s do what we do best...something different. It’s the Solstice Eve and tomorrow is the Solstice. What the hell? Why not?”
To say that the lad was surprised might be an understatement. Also relieved. And instantly happy. And suddenly really into the impromptu preparations. Except…
“But I haven’t done my Christmas shopping yet. I don’t have anything to give you.”
“That’s okay. It’s more fun to watch you open stuff. But if you feel the need....gimme Amazon gift certificates. I have a serious Kindle addiction to feed.”
Instant smiles. Can do. Not a problem. He scurried off to consult his laptop.
“I hope your Dad and I don’t give duplicate gifts this year,” I said when he returned.
“Well,” the lad said, “I know that he’s giving me an iPod.”
I think I started banging my head against the wall....
“No way,” he said, “you’re kidding, right? O man, that’s rough.”
“What kind?” I asked.
“Just a basic iPod,” he said.
I made a snarky sound and my eyes glittered. Oh they did. I’m not proud of it, but man did my eyes glitter. Evilly.
“I have nothing wrapped,” I said. “But let’s be green. Who needs wrapping paper, anyway? Wanna open a couple of things tonight?”
Cool. He sat down on the sofa and waited while I dug around in my closet. He closed his eyes and held out his hands...rather widely apart. “Put your hands a little closer together. It’s not that big a box.”
He laughed and I put a small card into his hands. An iTunes gift card. He whooped.
He closed his eyes again and put his hands close together. “A little farther apart this time. It’s a bigger box,” I said.
I placed a small box in his hands. He opened his eyes and turned it over several times. Nothing on it to suggest what was inside, though he knew.
Out came an iPod Touch. Huge whoop.
“Turn it over, sweetie. It’s engraved. I tried to keep the mush factor to a minimum.”
Just a simple “Merry Christmas! I love you, Mom.” Nothing too embarrassing.
And that was it for the Solstice Eve shindig. We played with the iPod for quite a while. Just an amazing gadget and I SO want one now.
“Should I tell Dad that I got an iPod Touch?” he asked.
“No, I don’t think so. Don’t spoil it for him. It doesn’t hurt to have a spare, you know? This is our secret.”
This morning we got up early and made a huge breakfast with enough coffee to float a battleship. We played Christmas music and some appropriate Jethro Tull (Ring out, Solstice Bells). The snow started falling again. We made a crackling fire and finally settled down to open more stuff. And we had a blast. Different is not a bad thing. No matter how old they get, it’s still all about the kids. I loved watching the expressions that played across his face. I love cooking with him. I love picking music with him. I love listening to his stories. Well...I just love him. And having a good time with him.
We did fine. The Dad will have his day, too. And he was very surprised this morning when he learned what we’d done. It wasn’t what he expected. He wondered what the lad received and there was no mention of an iPod Touch. The lad winked at me as he left that off the list. Now he’s playing with his new toys and the Dad told me that he very much appreciates my decision. And incidentally, there were no other duplicate gifts. I did point out that it would have been a lot kinder if he had talked with me first without laying that load on the lad. Being asked to choose between parents is a hard thing and it just about tore the lad to pieces. Just not very cool. He was quiet about that, but maybe he gets it now. Dunno. But, it all worked out and I believe that we all have gained what we wanted...or needed.
Considering that December 25 is an arbitrary (and quite probably wrong) date anyway, I applaud your solution.
Happy Solstice to both of you!
Thank yew! We had a lot of fun. And noted that today is the shortest day of the year. Tomorrow the days start growing longer again and boy is that something to celebrate. This business of dusk at 3:30 and darkness at 4:30 is enough to drive a person batty.
It’s funny. Well sorta. The Dad called me back again and expressed how grateful he is. More words than I’ve heard out of him in ages. I think he truly is extremely grateful and very happy. It’s perhaps not the best time to tell him that this is something that we could probably have worked out a lot earlier if he’d just TALK TO ME. Most of my annoyance (fury) stems from having these things sprung on me at the last minute and always delivered through the lad. But we strike while the iron is hot, so to speak.
Anyway. It was a fine day and I think tomorrow we’ll actually put up the Christmas tree because it’s pretty. We’re a little backwards here. 
And now Hanukkah is getting underway {leaves for a moment to light candles}. That’s what you were really celebrating, right?
FTR, no windstorm here in Seattle, but lots of snow. Even a reasonably large amount for a place with real winter—about 5 inches so far, 4-6 more by tomorrow. And cold (again, by Seattle standards). Yesterday’s low was 14 F. Thankfully, I’ve had electric power the whole time.
Happy Hanukkah! The Festival of Lights works for me, too.
I think your snow storms end up being our snow storms. Will you please stop making them?! I’m glad you kept power, though. It must be pretty there.
such a nice resolution and such a gift to your son. you rock!
hope you have a fabulous week and that you enjoy your holidays. i am also in seattle and with a little over a foot of snow on the eastside. such strange weather here with record breaking cold temps. more snow due here through dec 24th and then finally the temps will remain above freezing and we get our normal rain. woooo hooooo! we can finally get out and see the world again.
I just can’t even comment about that one, you know what I would have said anyway. Good thing I couldn’t read it yesterday lol. Talk to you in a bit.
Oh and I get you for Christmas, so tell the other J she can bite it if she knows already. You have nothing to say about it. It is a done deal. Got it.
What a great way to handle that situation. Pretty much leaves you feeling like you gave everyone a Christmas present.
J, I’m yours. Feed me and I’ll follow you anywhere. 
I’m not so sure that I’m as nice as you folks think. But I’d rather make some lemonade than suck on sour lemons. ;) The lad is happy, though. And relieved that peace has descended once again. That’s worth it.
We have a lot of snow. At least two feet on the ground. It’s so drifted that it’s hard to say. It seems as if all we’ve done the past week is shovel. It took quite an effort to dig out the wood pile today. And I still got a load of snow down my neck. Next year, the woodpile has to go closer to the back door. Definitely. Digging a path to the woodpile and then digging the woodpile out every few days is going to make me think too seriously about lighting the furnace pilot light again. Must Avoid Lighting Pilot Light!!
You are an amazing woman and so much nicer I suspect than most of us. But you are right, it is about your son and relieving the kind of stress neither he nor any other child needs. You are truly a good person!! Merry Christmas!!
2 feet or more here too and of course ice decided to back up over a bay window in the living room yesterday. So out came the roof rake. Luckily our younger son is younger and strong and ambitious and he has been keeping it under control. Was out there again when I went to bed around 11. Says older son owes him bigtime when he gets here. ;) But all is well and it is pretty outside.......also pretty damn cold!!
Now need to go straight out from now til next Sunday. LOL SO Merry Christmas to you and yours and all your faithful bloggers!!