He's off on a new adventure

Thursday, 5:24 pm

By Kate

Aug

23

2007

And so, the lad is gone again. If I thought it would be easier this time than earlier this month, I must have been crazy. But, nothing like last year, so that’s good. I’m a bit soggy at the moment, but that will pass by tonight, I hope.

Just before he left, I told him this was a Mom thing and I’ll probably get teary when he leaves after a visit even when he’s 40. He gave me a big hug and said, “Thank you. I know it’s hard for you, but it makes me feel very loved.”

This year’s packing and leaving were different from last year. First of all, he is unambiguously excited to get there and see his friends. He also decided to travel light this year and many of the things he ‘needed’ when he left home last year are now up in his bedroom. By ‘needed’ I mean that he needed certain things that were a direct tie to home. They made him feel anchored while he adjusted to life at school. Now that he’s made lots of friends and is a part of the social structure there, he doesn’t need those props any more and they are safely stashed at home.

That was sort of hard to see him leave it all behind, but, at the same time, it made me realize just how much he’s grown this past year. He’s so much more confident in himself, he has a new maturity, and he’s really happy. We talked far into the night, last night. He regaled me with stories about school and his friends, the new room, some of his professors and their funny quirks, and the new room and the plans they have for it. He’s so looking forward to getting back.

The demand for a 4.0 GPA is still in effect. That’s what we’re working with going into the year. I’m hoping that some common sense will prevail at some point in the near future, but I’m not counting on it. It’s so alien to the way the lad thinks and responds to people. He’s never been one with whom threats have been needed, much less worked. He’s perfectly capable of in-depth conversations, understanding another’s point of view, and understanding what is in his best interest. And through conversation, he has always been able to reach good conclusions for himself. But he’s not a push-over, either. He always has been that way.

The lad and I decided to hunt for every bit of financial aid that we can and he said that he would do his level best to pull the best grades he can this semester to help in that regard (as well as for himself). He’s a good student and we both know that he will do fine. And while I do agree that good grades are important, I also believe that a healthy social life and activities in college are equally important. Not everything learned in college is learned in the classroom. We need to maximize the chances for him to remain where he is settled, doing well, and happy.

The other parental unit is going to have to let the lad grow up and be what he is and what he wants to be. He will make mistakes and he will change his mind a dozen times. Those are the lad’s choices to make. At most, I think we should be advisors and not enforcers. I know there are some caveats to that, but we have a good kid with a level head on his shoulders. I think he needs the chance to grow into who he is and not into someone else’s image of perfection and success.

And that’s what I think about that.