Cider Press Hill

Adjusting, maybe

When I began my rather unplanned disappearance from the blog, it’s pretty clear that I was not in a very good frame of mind. I just haven’t had anything to say. But, really, the worst of it passed by Wednesday. I miss my girl a lot, but I’m also rediscovering just how much responsibility having a dependent animal is.

The sudden absence of that responsibility is what clarifies the responsibility. Terry had me well trained. There is no question of that. Over the course of the week, I’ve found myself saying, “Oh, I don’t have to worry about that anymore.” For such things as leaving food out on the kitchen counter, leaving a bowl of apples on the dining room table, leaving a trash bag by the back door, leaving a scented candle on a table within dog nose reach...even going to bed and remembering that I didn’t put a heavy pot on top of the trash can lid...and then remembering that I don’t have to get out of bed and go down to do it to ensure that Terry doesn’t get into something that’s not good for her.

And, of course, her ongoing health issues were always a worry. She was a delicate creature. Healthy, yet a fragile dog who needed a lot of extra care to maintain her health. So it is for many greyhounds who have retired from racing. Race track life is not an easy one and it often leaves a depleted or damaged dog after the racing has ended. Terry was a needier dog than your average mutt, but I knew that going into the adoption. It was a large responsibility that I was perfectly willing to accept.

I’d rather still have the responsibility, but I no longer do. And not having it, I’m beginning not to mind it so much. Thinking that makes me a little uncomfortable because...well, it does. I’d rather have Terry.

I was thinking...out of the last 24 years, I’ve been without dog for a total of about 3 years. It has been a way of life and I like it.

But, now I’m without dog again and I don’t know where that will all end. As J told me the other night, “It will come in waves. Resist until at least the 3rd overwhelming urge to acquire another dog hits you.” The first one already hit me. I have no idea how long before the second and third will arrive. Maybe one day I’ll come home and the quiet will get to me. No happy tail-wagging dog greeting me at the door is pretty hard to get used to. Not seeing Terry’s happy eyes to go along with the happy wagging tail has not been so easy, either. I miss the cuddles and the chin licks. Heck, I even miss the muddy paw prints. And, funny enough, I really miss that powerful hoover at the end of her pointy nose whenever I drop anything on the floor. Nevertheless, the second overwhelming urge to do something about it hasn’t arrived yet.

For only the second time in 24 years, I’m not responsible for a dog’s well-being. It’s different. I don’t know if it’s something I will get used to or even grow to like. I guess we’ll find out.

Posted on 10/12/07 at 01:53 PM
 




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