Communication is Good

I suppose this is one of those posts that no one quite knows how to respond to, but I thought I’d mention that I have a weird family. It seems to be the time of year that brings a higher level of weirdness out. At this stage of life, I’ve pretty much figured out how to deal with family weirdness—by and large I ignore it. If I don’t feed it oxygen, it seems to fizzle out. But I still shake my head when a certain sibling’s holiday urges arise to stir the pot. Just saying.

Then there are the peripheral families that are still stuck to me even though they aren’t really family anymore. Say, for example, The Dad. Early this afternoon he called in fantastic spirits, saying he’d be here in about an hour.

“Why?” I asked.

There was a small pause and he said, “I’m picking the lad up. He’s coming down here for a day or two.”

Well, news to me. The lad, as it happened, was out rock climbing with friends. I’m not sure when he expects to be back. Evidently, this going to Dad’s house plan went over his head or straight through it, I’m not sure which.

The level of disappointment in The Dad’s voice was crushing. It was as if everything Christmas was suddenly extinguished. He’s still not dealing very well with the lad being away at college and mostly out of reach. And while I don’t really care, in general, where The Dad’s mood indicators fall on a given day, I am extremely sympathetic to anyone suffering from the Empty Nest Syndrome. It is the worst feeling in the world, I swear it is. Happily, that gutted and filleted feeling left me a couple of months ago. The Dad is still neck deep in it.

I don’t have a problem with the lad going to The Dad’s house for Christmas eve weekend, but someone really should let me know these things in advance. For example...had The Dad talked to me about it, the lad wouldn’t be out rock climbing today and I wouldn’t be feeling sorry for The Dad. Nor would I be feeling like whacking the lad upside the head for totally blowing his Dad off, even if it wasn’t intentional. We’ll have a discussion about that when he comes home.

So let’s recap. Constructive communication is a very good thing. Pot stirring is not a good thing. For Christmas I would like a little more of the former and a little bit less of the latter. Hear me, Santa?!