Dragging my feet

Another conversation with the lad last night. He called to ask if I could send his ski jacket to him. That so surprised me that I blurted out, “Why?!”

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing particularly wrong with a ski jacket, but it is so foreign to the lad’s sense of personal style that the thing has hung in the closet for over a year with out being worn more than once or twice—for skiing.

Last year he developed a case of serious lust for his father’s lovely black wool thigh-length overcoat. The supple fabric draped nicely and it just looked wonderful to his eyes. Somehow or other, he managed to separate it from his Dad and it became his favorite item of clothing. It looked really good on him and expressed his sense of personal style to a T. His school mates and friends accepted it as part of who he is and no one made an issue of it. Different, yes, but so what?

So why the sudden desire for the ski jacket?

He explained that he’s had way too many comments on his black wool coat looking “skanky’ and he thinks maybe he’d better join the more traditional ranks with a regular old ski jacket. There is something about the coat that makes his cohorts think “Columbine trench coat”—even though the thing is about 3 feet shorter.

“Are you kidding?” I asked.

“No, I’m not,” he said. “I told you this place is more like high school than high school and being different in any way is the kiss of death. And I don’t need to develop a reputation as a potential shooter.”

I don’t quite know what to say about that other than....rubbish. That has never been an issue in his entire life. He knows as well as I do that he’s not had a traditional upbringing and thinking as an individual has always been just a given and a high priority. Now, suddenly, peer pressure over personal style is a problem. Because, it appears, everyone must look and think alike. That is just so foreign to both of us.

But, I washed the jacket and I have it packed in a box ready to send. Only I’m dragging my feet about sending it. I should have sent it hours ago, but it makes me mad every time I look at the box.

As it happens, I came across a remarkable blog post, yesterday, from a fellow who had gone silent for a month or so. I admire him and his wife for their adherence to their principles. They’re good people. His blog post said, so eloquently, what I’ve been thinking that I would consider it one of my new all time favorite writings on the subject. I sent the lad the link and said, “Read it and please take it to heart. You are not and never have been a carbon copy cutout. It kills me to think of you slowly giving up pieces and parts of yourself to make others feel better about their insular views and insecurities.”

I don’t know that it will make a difference, but I hope it’s a seed that sprouts. It’s not difficult to be who you are when no one challenges you. This turn of events really, really troubles me.