In ‘88 my parents sent me off to university to live in an apartment with a kitchen with 5 strangers.  My allowance was $2 per day for food - or a total of $14 per week.  My dad presented me with that budget and expected me to keep with it.  For the most part I did, but it was definitely a struggle sometimes.

My youngest is in his final year at college. He works for the dorm and makes about $200 a month, every penny of which he spends. He’s also on the meal plan, so it’s not as though he has to feed himself with his earnings.

The key at this point is to make sure the Lad fully understands that it is HE who is responsible and HE who can control the problem. Even if he doesn’t control it, if he acknowledges that HE made the mistake, then half the battle is won. (Also, I don’t suppose he’ll starve since he’s on the meal plan.)

Ouch!

double ouch, but Pablo is right, he won’t starve cause he is on the meal plan--(my son discovered that hard boiled eggs were plentiful in campus cafeterias, fit into his pocket and would fill him up when he ran into this problem!!) luckily he does not have to purchase the absolute essentials like lipstick, gloss, blusher, etc. LOL (imagine if he was a girl!!) He just won’t be going to the movies, or picking up pizza or wings (I think my son lived on buffalo wings), or any of the fun things for a month and you are right, Halloween is coming up and there will be expenses associated with it......
I don’t envy you though as it is awful hard to say no to your kids, particularly if they are good ones and he is........but it is a lesson he has to learn eventually so tough love now is better than ten years down the road.....
Our son had to earn enough money each summer to pay for his books and all the “fun” things like pizza, wings, beer (oops, did I say that??), fraternity dues, etc. - we picked up the tab on everything else.  I would love to tell you it worked perfectly, but not always.  However, once the first year was over and he had a good idea on how much things would be and how much he would need, it did seem to work fairly well......Good Luck!!  And to the lad, if you are reading Mom’s blog, and I am sure you do.......she loves you a lot and believe me, having been there, done that, it is hurting her more than you (yeah, I know, you’ve probably heard that a time or two, but it is true!!)

*blush*

It took me a while to learn how to deal with money in a new (university) environment. I have to admit that I had to hit up my parents for cash several times until I got with the programme. They helped out (and managed to blow any ear wax residue out by ways of the phone receiver. I think the whole campus could hear that ... and saw the light emanating from my blushing face).

So, I’m raising my hand for your potlachy offspring. Give him a bit more than one chance. He’ll catch on fast if you find the right words to go along with your additional help.

Or send him a month worth of homemade stuff. Keep him alive above and beyond the call of food plans.

BTW: What the h*ll is a food plan? In Germany, I think, many people starved on campus because we don’t/didn’t have anything like that?

A meal plan is part of the room and board fees, paid in advance each semester. That provides three meals a day at the cafeteria plus a couple of outpost bistros and cafes at various places around the campus. He definitely won’t starve this month. But he may very well miss the late night subs and pizza. I hope he bought *a lot* of ramen noodles at the grocery store. ;)

He blew through the amount that Pablo’s son earns each month plus whatever his Dad contributed to the balance. That’s a lot of money and I am not going to enable that kind of spending again. A little pain for a while will speak more loudly than words. Although words have been offered in a kind way. He realizes he made a mistake.

He acknowledged that he blew it last month and said he wouldn’t ask for any more this month. And I know he means it. He *really* has to learn to plan ahead a little bit and realize that consequences follow overspending. I think he’s “getting” it.

I know that this is only his first month at school and all that freedom is a heady thing. I grant that there is an adjustment period and one doesn’t automatically become a fiscally responsible adult in the first month away from home. But if we keep shelling out the dough every time he overspends, that doesn’t help him much, either.

The Dad and I had a discussion about it and decided that smaller deposits spaced weekly throughout the month will be more realistic for the next few months. At least that way if he goes through all his money one week, he’ll know that “pay day” is just around the corner and it will help him to budget and plan a little more carefully.

His Dad will deposit a small installment in his account today, so he won’t be totally without money. He will have to be very careful to make it last because the Dad will absolutely not forward any advances on the next installment and, in fact, agrees there ought to be a little consequence to last month’s spending. The middle two weeks of the month look like they’re going to be kind of lean, but it also looks as if Halloween will be covered. This information has been fully discussed with the lad and he agrees that it’s fair after last month. He’ll be okay.

Ah, got the food plan thing. I thought that might be it. He doesn’t have any problems then. There should be plenty of free beer stuff to drink if he gets thirsty (and knows the wrong right people).

Place devil smiley here.

I am pretty certain that you are correct, Volkher. 

Back in ought-six when I was a freshman I think I got $175-$200/month to pay for everything.  $132 or so of that went to the fraternity house for room and board, so I had the balance to last till the following month.  I remember being awfully short each month, but surviving somehow (no ramen noodles back in 1968, either; it musta been popcorn).

‘Course, the parents were 5,000 miles away on Guam, so I couldn’t easily get a transfusion of cash.

Way, way back in my freshman year, my parents sent me $20 each month. That stretched way more than it does now, but it still didn’t leave room for a lot of extravagance. Nevertheless, I didn’t think about Christmas while I was busy spending it all every month. A couple of weeks before Christmas I realized I had nothing to buy presents with. For anyone. It was a lesson in planning ahead that I *never* forgot.

That first year “on one’s own” is a learning experience and then some.  I took up floating checks, i.e. knowing they’s bounce but be covered by the second submission, but thereby losing $10 for the service fee.  This went on till my small time banker called my mom and she called me to “set things straight.” It’s a tough transition, and since it’s only October of year one, you shouldn’t be to surprised that he suddenly has to buy toothpaste and things that never entered his budget conscienceness before.  I remember living on popcorn and mac and cheese for much of my sophomore year.  Good, hard lessons, but please cut him some slack - remember, meal plan or not, ordering out for pizza is still a college must.  I remember paying for pizza with collected pennies on more than one occasion.  The kid will figure it out but it takes a bit of time.  That’s why college AWAY from home is so valuable an education - beyond the classroom stuff.
Nice post, as usual.

To be fair, in my case there’s been nearly 40 years of inflation since then.  A six-pack of Budweiser was $1.33 at the local Circle K; I think it’s upwards of $5 now.

I remember hiking a few blocks to Mickey D’s and getting a double-cheeseburger and fries at 10:00pm for under $1.

Wow.  Am I old!

I believe that your children need your help longer than you’re willing or able to give it.  At least once. 
It seems like everyone’s on a budget, and he should live on his in respect for yours.

I think that the tough route now will eliminate the need for the tough route later.

Linkmeister, I grew up in a dry town and went to school in a one horse dry town out in the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t even a McDonalds anywhere nearby. Sheesh! That caused some enforced naivete. It was a vastly different world when I moved to the big city and learned all about sin, sin, sin. ;)

But I do recall that a six pack of soda was around 50 cents. And a gallon of gasoline was still about 25 cents. Those sorts of things helped a $20 bill go a long way.

dk, I’ll cut him some slack. I’m not angry with him at all and consider it a learning experience. I can’t enable it, but I understand where he’s at. Takes some adjustment and fine tuning and figuring out how to manage his resources. As Cyn pointed out above, this is probably harder for me than him, because it’s taking every inch of willpower not to stick a little cash in his account. But at least we’re not talking about rent here so better to learn now than when the rent is due and the checking account is empty. Nevertheless, I am putting a nice care package together that I’ll send out in another week or so. It will, undoubtedly, be very welcome and let him know that mom’s still in his corner even under the circumstances.

Cassie—yes.