No, they're not all alike

Being the parent of a boy has been an eye opener, on several fronts, over the years. Quite honestly, I did not have any idea at all what growing up male was like. I’ve become more and more clued in, however.

It’s a dicey world for boys. Take, for example, feminism. We’ve had many discussions about it. “Are you a feminist?” the lad has asked me.

“I’d like to think of myself as a humanist in terms of gender equality, but I think the term has already been taken,” I’ve said.

During the teenage years, it can be a challenge to keep a boy’s mind focused on such matters when hormones want to take him in a different direction. I have my problems with hearing the occasional, “Oh man, she’s hot!” pronouncements.

“She’s not a slab of beef,” I explain.

“Yeah, but she’s still hot,” he says.

On the other hand, degree of hotness doesn’t appear to be the first order of importance when falling head over heels for a girl. Her brains and her capability for carrying on intelligent conversations and personality are at the top of the list. And that, I think, is the way it should be.

But feminism can become pretty complicated and confusing when a guy meets the mother of a girl who says, “I am a feminist and all guys are alike. You only want one thing.” To his face.

“Do you believe that?” he asked me.

“Of course not,” I said. “In fact, I think that’s a particularly egregious form of discrimination. Not to mention insulting. That’s not feminism, that’s someone who had a really bad experience.”

“I don’t get it,” he said.

“Welcome to life,” I said.

So what happens when the daughter of that mother decides she is head over in heels in love with the lad? She is bright, has an engaging personality with interests that span the globe. She’s fun to be with and fun to talk with. Or at least she used to be. She is a very good friend, or at least was—but the head over heels in love part is not reciprocated.

Her mother tells her to keep after him, he’s a guy and all guys are alike. He’ll give in after a while. Just keep working on him.

Trouble is, he doesn’t want to be worked on. He is not interested in a romantic relationship. That old magic just isn’t there.

For the longest while, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by being blunt about it. But she persisted. Finally, he sat her down and explained that while he likes her as a friend, there is never going to be anything more than that. There just isn’t.

“Okay,” she said. “I understand.”

To their mutual friends she said, “I’ll win him over. It’ll just take time.” And they reported back that he has a problem.

Last week she sent an email explaining her undying love and wondering if there was a chance? He wrote a long response and asked me to read it. “Do you think that’ll work?” he wondered.

“No, I don’t think so, sweetie,” I said. “You’ve given her enough maneuvering room to drive a truck through. Being kind can also mean being direct. Four sentences should do it.”

He wrote four sentences and her response was, “Okay. I understand, but I had to ask.”

In the past week she has worn out the ringer on my phone, baked him two dozen heart shaped cookies, and presented him with a water color painting that she did with her very own hands (and a very good one, I might add, though the effect was diminished by the red hearts stamped on the back with an icky poem).

Yesterday the lad discovered that she’d accosted the young lady he’s asked to the Prom. Not in a physical way, but verbally warning her to keep her [expletive deleted] hands off.

When he confronted her, she smiled at him and said, “You’re mine. You just don’t realize it yet.”

“No, I’m not,” he said. “Not now. Not ever. Don’t mess with [my prom date]!”

“Well see,” she said.

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” he told me. “She’s driving me nuts and I don’t know what to do about it. She’s kind of scaring me.”

One of her friends told the lad yesterday that this girl’s mother is adamant that she should pursue the lad with all due speed and force because he’ll cave eventually. Her friends are concerned with her obsession. They’re a little worried about him and potential scenes at the Prom.

I’m almost ready to call the mother up and ask if this is what she really wants for her daughter. Does she want her daughter to have a relationship based on beating the guy down so that he finally gives in? What kind of relationship is that? Is that what she hopes for her daughter’s future? If you have to club him over the head and drag him back to the cave, I don’t see success in that relationship. This isn’t a feminist point of view. And yet the daughter believes it is. If you see something you want, go after it. Including men. Whether they like it or not. No is not an option. She’s quite proud of her feminist attitude and he’d better line up with it. I find it abnormal behavior.

To the lad I say, “No, this is not feminism. This is an unhealthy obsession. This is not what feminism is about. Please don’t get that idea. This girl and her mother are wacko.”

And they’re not making my job any easier. Feminism is not a four letter word. But it surely is beginning to feel like it to the lad. Get a clue woman. Quit encouraging your daughter and leave my kid alone. He used to like her as a friend, now he wants to run every time he sees her approaching. YOU are hurting your daughter with this ridiculous feminist excuse for not facing reality. You are a disaster for every other woman on the planet striving for gender equality. I haven’t quite decided yet whether you’re dangerous. Get Help.

My ‘this is getting serious’ radar is beginning to go off.