Conflicting values

The phone rang last night, around 10:15. It was the lad calling on his cell phone from running camp. He was breaking the rules to call, so was talking very, very quietly. Lights out at 10:00 pm. Since he has a room all to himself, he wasn’t bothering anyone, but didn’t want any counselors outside in the hall hearing him. I had a feeling something was up. It’s that parental radar thing.

First of all, I could tell he was dog tired. They’ve been working the kids hard. Early morning soft runs and a seven mile afternoon runs at race speed. He acknowledged that he is sore in places he didn’t even know he had. But, he said, he is enjoying that part. He enjoys the hard workouts.

“So....” I said. “What’s up, sweetie? Something is bothering you.”

And then the whole story came tumbling out. This camp is populated by some of the best runners in the country. The competition factor at camp is fierce and celebrated. Team cohesion has taken a hit and the camp operators have segregated members of his team according to ability. And playing them off, one against the other. The lad understands that he is not a fast runner nor is he interested in committing his life to running. It’s something he enjoys doing and he’s tolerably good at it. He will never be the fastest runner on his team, though he is solidly in the middle. He will work hard to improve his time (and he has and does), but he is never going to be a 4 minute mile man. And that’s fine with him. Even his coach has explained that there are team/personal qualities that are as important as running fast. Which is one reason why he was chosen as his team captain this year. He is a good motivator and he has been very good for team cohesion and for what the coach calls working-together-ness.

After yesterday’s runs and lectures, he said the suggestion was bluntly put forth that if you aren’t willing to bust your ass to become the best on your team, and, basically, run over the other runners to get there, you don’t belong at the camp and you’re a drag on your team.

That pissed him off.

For his own part, he knows where he stands, though it’s not pleasant to hear that you’re a loser if you don’t kill to be the best. But, he said, it’s really doing a number on a few of the new freshman on their team. Seeing them so discouraged and humiliated before their first season even gets off the ground is painful and infuriating to watch.

We talked for nearly an hour. I pointed out that he is in a good position to encourage those guys. He’s not the fastest runner. He’s not going to be the fastest runner. There are two guys on the team who have broken a 4 minute mile with relative ease. There are two others who probably will do the same this year. They are naturals. They work hard at it, but they also have raw talent. And he’s comfortable with that. He is on the team because he enjoys running, enjoys the camaraderie, and enjoys the team cohesion. They all pull together. He’s in a good position to work with these younger guys and support them and encourage them not to be discouraged through his own example. IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE THE BEST. And it’s okay to not be so competitive that you have to walk all over everyone in front of you to get there. There are many reasons why the kids join the cross country team and the coach supports all of them for their unique contributions. And still, they’ve managed to win the state comps every year for the past four.

The lad said this year’s camp is a surprise and disappointment. He’s attended before and this is the first time that this cut-throat attitude has been promoted. He’s pretty upset by it and the message that it’s sending to HIS team mates.

I asked if he’s spoken with the coach about it yet. He said that no, he hadn’t. But he will. I’m not sure what they’re going to do about it, but I hope they’ll find the time to get together as a complete team for some morale raising. This is an important year for the team. The best runners are all seniors and they need the freshmen. They need to nurture them and encourage them. They don’t need them going home and quitting. Very few of the freshman start with fast times. They develop over a couple of years. And EVERYONE supports their efforts every step of the way. We stand around during the races and scream for each and every one of them. It works. They peel a few seconds off their time almost every race. Sometimes more. They feel good about themselves and their accomplishments. And it’s a great feeling when they do. For everyone.

Well, in any case. I think the lad felt better after we talked. At least he had an outsider’s confirmation that there’s more to competition than killing yourself and beating down your team mates to be the best. They are a team. Personal bests are important, but they aren’t the main point of a TEAM.

It strikes me that the approach the camp is taking this year is more geared to the independent runners. The ones who will go on to race in the big name races. Where team isn’t where it’s at. This sounds like a grooming exercise for those kinds of runners. It’s not appropriate for high school cross-country teams.