When cussing isn't good enough

I’ve debated whether to tell this story. I’d hate to stain my sterling reputation for being (ahem) circumspect and proper, you know. Nevertheless…

Yesterday afternoon, just after the snow had started, I took the lad to work. Once in the parking lot, I followed the car in front of me toward the store’s entrance. Just as we reached an intersection of the lane in front of the store with a lane cutting through the parking lot, the car in front of me came to a sudden stop. Someone had pulled out of a parking space in front of her. I happened to be blocking the intersecting lane. And certainly not intentionally. Just the way it happened.

A guy coming toward us wanted to turn into the lane I was blocking. He was completely put out with me. He waved his arms around and yelled at me from behind his window. And then he drove his massively huge tank ever closer to me until his bumper was a hair’s breadth from touching my rear fender. For a split second, I was pretty sure he was going to nudge me. It was a purely aggressive move and we both knew it. He continued to look down at me, yelling and gesticulating.

The lad said, “Whoa, someone has a small [male appendage]!”

Which gave me an idea. Since my temper was already at the boiling point, what I really wanted to do was leap out of my car and smack the snot out of him. How difficult would it have been for him to simply move on to the next intersection? But no...he had to go all aggressive on me. I wanted revenge.

So I rolled down my window. He rolled his window down and began yelling some more about rude and inconsiderate women drivers. Yes, truly. He said Women Drivers.

When he was more or less finished and waiting for my apology, I sweetly said to him, “This is so exciting. There really is a negative correlation between the size of a man’s car and his male appendage.” I smiled and rolled up my window.

“What’s he doing?” I asked the lad.

“Staring at you,” he said. “I cannot believe you said that.”

“You said it first. Is he still yelling?”

“No, he’s just staring at you.”

I sneaked a peek and he really was just staring at me with the most profoundly incredulous expression on his face.

Heh. Made him speechless. The jerk.

[My sincerest apologies to all males who behave in a civilized manner while behind the wheel of whatever they may drive.]