The parental curse

I have learned that one of the features of having a teenager is that a certain few items are never where they are supposed to be. For example...the tweezers, the nail files, screw drivers, the scissors, the cordless telephones, my stapler, my scotch tape, the superglue. Stuff that I don’t need all that often (except for the phones), but I can count on never being where they are supposed to be. I am sure they are in his bedroom someplace, but when things go in there, it’s like they disappear into a vast black hole.

Coupla mornings ago, I woke up to find my reading glasses in bed with me and, lo and behold, the frame was broken right above one of the lenses. Easily fixed with a drop of superglue. Except...no superglue. Gone. So I thought maybe a sliver of scotch tape would suffice until I either found or bought some more superglue. Gone. Without a trace.

For the last two days, I’ve gingerly placed the lens into the frame, held it together very carefully while I place the glasses on my nose and let go. They hold unless I move suddenly. And I’ve passed by the store at least a half a dozen times without remembering to go in and get a tube of superglue. So here I am with the glasses still perched carefully on my nose. And I can’t begin to count the number of times the lens has popped out and gone rolling along on the floor with me crawling around on the floor looking for it.

I pointed out to the lad how much easier my life would be if he’d learn to put things back when he’s finished with them. And he hugged me and told me that yes, he felt sure that it would be, but isn’t it more exciting to live on the edge, never knowing if what I’m looking for is going to be where it ought to be?

And I said, “This is the part where I tell you that I can’t wait until you have children of your own someday.” Because, really, I’ve run out of original retorts, so why not fall back on the traditional parental curse? It makes him laugh. It makes me laugh because...there’s devious satisfaction in knowing that someday he will be crawling around on the floor looking for something that could have been superglued if the kids hadn’t run off with the glue.

I know this is true. My mother laid the parental curse on me and see how well it worked?